The Black Sheep of Yoga June 27, 2008

My latest sporting adventure is a little different from my usual extremes of mountain biking and kite boarding.  I recently took up Hot Yoga, which involves bending your body into all kinds of unusual positions in a steaming hot 105-degree room.  You may be wondering how this could possibly pass for fun but somehow in my mind it does.  I guess I enjoy it since it’s new, challenging, and good for your health.  In a 90-minute class I get strength training, aerobic exercise, stretching, balance, relaxation and sweating out gallons of toxins.  I’ve really enjoyed seeing my flexibility and balance improve over the past few months.  Plus I now have many vacation pictures with yoga poses in them, which makes the pictures more fun. 

Unfortunately my silly personality doesn’t quite fit with hot yoga.  It’s supposed to be a spiritual experience.  Right.  I think the “spiritual experience” is more a sign of heat stroke approaching.   My boyfriend and I like to act silly and so are developing a “black sheep” reputation in the class.  Just last class we got in trouble for playing footsie between postures.  Some people get recognized for doing a good job but we only get noticed for misbehaving.  Well I guess any recognition is better than none at all, right?

The instructors say the same thing every class.  There is one balance move that I just can’t seem to get and the instructor says every class “if you’re losing your balance, you aren’t kicking hard enough”.  So I’m thinking I’ll show him just how hard I can kick when I see him in the parking lot after class.  Or they don’t get the English quite right, like in “touch your knee to your exactly forehead”.  Which is different from my regular forehead how?  I do believe the postures are good for your health and internal organs but there is one position where they say “20 seconds in this posture is as good as 8 hours sleep”.  Yeah right.  Get a clue exactly guy, it’s probably as good as exactly 20 seconds of sleep.  Did I mention that the instructor doesn’t even do the moves with the class?  He just stands up there and tells us what to do.  Somehow that just doesn’t seem fair but at least he suffers through the heat too.

The class always ends with the teacher saying “Namaste” and the students repeating it.  I never knew quite what this meant, and I didn’t want to be saying “I will give you my first born” so I never said it.  My boyfriend looked it up and in short it means “I bow to you” and is just a respectful greeting.   So why can’t they just do what the Jamaicans do and say “Respect Mon”?  Anyway, my boyfriend then sent me an email saying “I bow to you – let’s come together energetically to a place of connection and timelessness”.  Hmmm I wonder what he exactly wants. 

Anyway, it’s fun and I’m glad I tried something new – you just never know.  And who cares if we “exactly” fit in?

Rummy “It’s Hot in Here” Runner 

 

 

Friday…

Fridays…

Today I’m totally dragging A**. I stayed up tooo late talking on the phone. Ya know how it goes; you start out with an innocent conversation. Then out of no where, the conversation starts to get intense and important. Suddenly you are talking about “Relationships” when you really wanted to just chat about laundry and then get off the phone…

Enough of my moaning.. I am starting my morning Friday routine. Which consists of doing the least amount of work possible. Looking at the news, shopping online, writing funny emails…everything except working. It is only 10am and I am already wish it was 5pm.

What do you do to pass the time of Friday? Are you like and begin your weekly “Motivate by socialization” around noon? (AKA Chat with everyone in the office, thus wasting two people’s time)

I think I need more coffee…..

Sleepy (Lazy) Cosmo

Supervising for Rummies June 16, 2008

My boss decided I needed some opportunity for growth and she suggested that I get some supervisory experience.  Since I’m on the technical side of things there was only one person that was suitable and he was already being supervised by another engineer.  So now we split the supervising duties which gives me the demanding task of supervising half a person.  I’m not sure if I want the top half or the bottom half.  If I get the bottom half I won’t have to worry about him mouthing back at me but there are worse bodily functions he could use.  Maybe we could split him into the left half and the right half.  But that brings to mind the old joke about the guy who got hit by a train and cut in half….he’s ALL right now.  I’m not totally new to the world of supervising.  I was a team lead and supervised three and a half people in my last job.  What is with all these half people?

 

I’m not sure supervising is for me.  I like to act silly and it can be hard to command respect and admiration when everyone considers you the ‘office clown’.  But like everything else in life, I just look at it as a new experience and a challenge that will help me grow as a person.  I hope I will be a good supervisor and his left half will be very happy!

 

Rummy “The Delegator” Runner

Pee to run your car? June 13, 2008

Leave it to me to turn a great innovation into something dirty & discussting.

A friend sent me this link (Thanks Plant guy!)  of a car running on water.

Here is a quote directly from the newscast “Any water will do, even tea”.

Here is my question, if you broke down, because you ran out of “gas” (water) and you had to pee, could you fill your tank up & go on your merry way? Talk about recycling .

Crazy Cosmo

NPR and Peens

Today on NPR, Yes I do listen to NPR sometimes. They were talking about how bookstores return books to publishers. And how it drives up the price of books due to shipping costs…ect…ect. Now for the good part.

A friend just sent me this link that chats about Peens & size of.  Besides the fact that I MUST read (or at least browse) this book, I doubt this one will getting returned anytime soon.

Funny, NPR didn’t mention that to decrease book returns, more books could be about Peens.

Wacky Cosmo

Look! Up in the Sky – It’s a bird, It’s a plane…it’s a kite board! June 9, 2008

I’ve always thought I was special and my mom has always confirmed this but I’m not sure I fall into the elite top 1%.  I’m referring to my newly attempted hobby of kite boarding.  My friend/trainer who excels at kite boarding describes it as “absolutely positively the wrong sport for 99% of the population”.   In case you don’t know about kite boarding or kite surfing it involves a big kite that uses the wind to propel you on a board through the water.  You will probably see someone attempting this if you get to the beach on a slightly windy day anytime soon.   Plus you can kite on land and ice so you may see the big colorful kites on non-beachy areas as well.  I’ve wanted to try this sport for years so I was happy when I finally met someone who could teach me.  I usually don’t need lessons when I take up a new sport but this one seems more complicated than most.  So far I’m falling into the 99% category since I’m a bit scared of all the power you can get from the wind and the weather never seems to be quite right when I finally make the hour long drive to the beach.  But I haven’t given up yet.  I have a dream…that one day I will be able to get up on a kite board for at least a few feet.  I’ll keep you posted.  But even if I never get up on the board it’s still been a positive experience.  I’ve had fun learning to fly the kite on the beach and getting dragged in the water, I’ve made some new friends and I’ve learned to pay more attention to wind speed and direction.   I recommend trying a new sport or hobby to everyone as a good way to learn something new and keep life interesting and challenging.  Perhaps just not kite boarding.

 

Rummy “Not Flying High” Runner

Cocktail flu and Gnome Kidnapping

WOW, was Friday night a little crazy for at least two of us Girls!

We went to an event that had over 60 people from one of our wonderful groups. What did this event involve, you might ask. Drinking, of course!

Oh MY. You know your night is going to be … interesting when a friend volunteers to pay for your first drink of the evening & makes it a double.

What a cra-ZY night! Lots of drinking, by almost everyone. Some dancing, an air hockey smack down & a mohawk thrown in for good measure.

And a pretty blond kidnapped the mascot, Extreme Gnome. WOW was he busy, I received all KINDS of photos regarding his activity. That Gnome is one lucky lawn ornament!

Of Course, Saturday I paid for all of it. You guessed it, the Cocktail flu!  It was a nasty little booger, but  at least it had about run it’s course around 1pm with the help of SEVERAL bottles of water.

Recovering Cosmo

The Dirty Underworld of LUST May 27, 2008

Today we are going to talk about LUST.  LUST is dirty!  LUST is bad!  Now before you think I’m preaching to you, let me clarify what LUST is.  It’s an acronym for Leaking Underground Storage Tanks and it’s what I do in my day job.  I’m amazed at all the ways my coworkers and I have managed to make the seemingly dull world of underground petroleum cleanup silly and fun.  My favorite is the site names that I have.  Most sites are just named after the gas station where the spill occurred but somehow, as the only female engineer, I managed to get all the sites that seem to have a phallic reference….Mr. Dong’s Diner, Big Man Restaurant, Long fellow Supplies, Rod’s Imports and BJ’s Emporium.  Suddenly I hear Beavis and Butthead in the background laughing…”ha ha she said BJ’s”…no wait that’s just me.  I’d describe our attempts at work humor more but as an outsider you probably wouldn’t be too impressed so suffice to say that it makes the job more fun and its good team building to laugh together.  I suppose if we can do this with the seemingly dull world of petroleum cleanup than you can do it with your job too.   So start making the most of each day and laughing with your coworkers.  No matter what you do I’m sure you can find humor in it somewhere! 

Rummy “I LUST My Job” Runner

 

Bjs in Walmart May 22, 2008

I had a VERY interesting conversation with the guy I am currently “Dating”. BEWARE – You might fall out of your chair laughing.

Lets set the scene:
Walmart, Horrible BRIGHT lighting, LOTS of stuff that you will probably never “need”, cold tile floors & people of all types.

Bud (Guy I’m Dating), A bit on the conservative side. Routinely tells me that I make “Scenes” (Who knew that yelling “I’m going to Vegas” at the top of my lungs in a Swanky Mall would equal “Making a Scene), of course I take these comments as a compliment. Oh, he also wears a shirt & tie EVERY day to work…poor guy.

In the middle of Walmart’s hygiene department, the following conversation occurred
– Cosmo “So have you ever had a BJ in the car” (It’s a long drive to the campsite)
– Bud “Yes….Wait, do you mean while the car is running?”
– Cosmo “Of COURSE!”
– Bud “Then No”
– Cosmo “No…Well It is a long drive to the campsite” while casually bumping him with my hip and winking. (Of course I stumble immediately afterwards, breaking the sexual innuendo)
– In a loud voice Bud replies “You are not going to give me a BLOW JOB…”

Bud looks around & sees a woman about 5 feet away from him browsing through the Deodorant. There is NO Doubt that she heard his last remark.

– Blushing Bud says “We are done here” and walks away to the Nerf guns (A Story for another Time)
– Wonderful Listeners, don’t be too disappointed in me; I couldn’t come up with a smart ass response, because I almost feel on the Wal-Mart floor from laughing.

Can you say “Spectacle” 😉

Cosmo, the bad influance

Testicles and a George Foreman Grill May 19, 2008

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate
many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave
absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d
certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white
shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos
on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that
maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each
month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the
curse’ ? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting
right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging
through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll
be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers
monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,
puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying
jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough
time for most women.

In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge
to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because
he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the
reason
for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I
wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
‘Have a Happy Period.’
Are you ***** kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing
happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything
‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the
local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your
life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something
that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular
Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending ****
****. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Soon to be inbred Hillbilly with Knife skills
Austin , TX